A Look Inside
by solista
Summary: What were Scott Garrett Lancer's thoughts as he stepped off the stagecoach in Morro Coyo, California.


**A Look Inside**

July 1, Lancer Ranch

Dear journal, it occurred to me today that I should put my thoughts and feelings down on paper. I have a need to preserve what I experience starting today.

I will have the black and white of it when I reflect later in life on why it was I left a very safe and secure environment to come all the way across the continent, to a world so alien to me to make my stomach cramp and to wake in the early morning unable to go back to sleep.

So my first words are these _"The best thing to do is stare it in the face and move on. We have to face our fears and plow through." _

My outward appearance was, I am sure, a shock to the local inhabitants of the small town of Morro Coyo, California. However, I think I paled in the dodgy light of the young gunfighter who descended from the stagecoach before me.

Here was some one who leapt from the pages of the penny dreadful I had purchased and read at one of the layovers on my journey west.

I was at first cold and indifferent to the scalawag who had so ungraciously sat partly on my lap the ten miles it took to arrive at the stage stop.

Thinking back I had so wanted to dislike this obvious ruffian however he did politely nod to the other passengers and apologized to me, '_didn't mean ta mess up your outfit'_ . Then proceeded to give me a most charming and cheeky grin. Trying to maintain an air of indifference and dismissal, I merely replied, '_can't be helped'._

For some reason I reflect back, I liked this boy.

Perhaps liked is not the word I wanted, intrigued would be closer to the word I needed to use. Then my world went into full tilt as the girl, Miss Teresa O'Brien, my greeter for Murdoch Lancer approached her timid little voice barely heard above the everyday sounds of the town, "_Ah Mr. Lancer."_

I turned to look at her and the two men behind her, _"That's me," _behind me I heard a '_Yeah'_.

She looked a little confused as she glanced between the cocky young man, and I '_who said,' _she blurted out.

When I heard an echo of '_I did,' _from behind me I turned to confront the rascal, Miss Teresa's announcement of '_you're Johnny, then you must be Scott Lancer'._

The young man's voice was cold but had a touch of laughter, '_no ma'am, he's no Lancer, my momma _only _had one kid an' that was me,_' he grinned and poked a thumb to his chest.

Well this was ridiculous; I know who I am,

'_Likewise,' _I threw back to him.

I once again I turned back to the obviously confused young woman, "_its Mr. Lancer that had two."_

I was increasingly becoming frustrated, I was tired, dirty and hungry, '_two what_,' I asked my voice clipped and showing my bewilderment.

It nearly floored me when she smiled, tilted her pretty head and shrugged one slim shoulder, '_wives'._

The boy had moved up beside me and grinned that cocky grin waved a hand towards me and released a soft chuckle.

It immediately hit me like a run away train, I had a brother a cocky, rascally brother this new information was a shock. Raised by my grandfather and boardrooms of business piranhas, I kept a stoic countenance, a brother, my heart skipped a beat.

I could go on and on about how I had wanted a brother as I was growing up. Preferably, a younger brother, I could educate him with my knowledge and guide him in the ways of proper society.

I will write this down because of how I felt as a lonely child growing up in a strait-laced, genteel, affluent, and top of the food chain society in Boson.

I had wanted my 'little' brother to be a tad rambunctious, recalcitrant and unreserved. I wanted a high-spirited but steadfast little brother; Grandfather warned me about wishes coming true.

So dear journal, I come to the end of my narration on my arrival to Morro Coyo, California and my face to face with a wish come true. How this will all work out is any ones guess.

"_I think taking chances takes a lot more courage than saying stagnant and doing what's safe and comfortable."_

I lay my pen aside and abandon my words to partake in my first dinner at Lancer. Then after dinner drinks to, _get to know _a father who I am not sure I _like_ or _respect._

A younger brother who puzzles me and is a decidedly dangerous man, whom I _want _to be acquainted with.

solista

July 2014

NOTES: The beginning quote and ending quote are from Terri Clark, the dialogue of the first meeting in Morro Coyo from the Lancer writers.

I thank them both for fueling my rambling thoughts.


End file.
